2BC Trials Mentoring Programme

As part of an ongoing scheme to bring younger supporters to Rugby games the Second Barrier Crew have been invited to partake in a mentoring scheme being run by the URSC (Unruly Rascals Seek Counselling). To this end the older, more mature, ha! members of the 2BC have been tasked with parting valuable knowledge, learned from the University of Life, onto the younger members of that august organisation.

I myself have given a certain crewmember, whose lack of success with the opposite sex has been discussed at length on a certain Ulster rugby message board, the wisdom of my years in dealing with the fairer sex. When he asked me what he should do to improve his chances with the girlies, my advice was to research the subject thoroughly before making any more advances. I also advised the best place for that would be a good book on the subject. I left him to his quest for knowledge that day and it was some weeks later until we met again.

“Well how’s the research going?” I asked
“Not so good” he replied
“Why so” a reasonable question I thought.
“Well I took your advice and went to Waterstones to try and find a book that would help me pull. There are lots of books out there on the topic of relationships but I eventually found one that I thought would be perfect for me” he told me rather glumly.
“Why so glum?” I ask.
“The book I bought was entitled ‘How to Hug’ and I thought it would be perfect for my first tentative steps at seduction. It was only when I got home that I realised that I had bought Volume 6 of the Encyclopaedia Britannica.”

Anyone interested in purchasing this magnificent reference work can contact Colzo, sorry the individual concerned, through the lonely hearts section of the Beano. Alternatively it is also for sale on Ebay where the bidding currently stands at £3.50

Ralph Lauren, inventor of the polo shirt, dressed down on Friday evening and hoped to blend in with the crowd at Ravenhill for Ulster’s clash with the Dragons. Ralph, pictured front left, was snapped by our ever observant SCOOP paparazzi, standing on the terrace.  Our intrepid reporter was interested to find out from the fashion guru what he thought of Ulster Rugby’s promotion attempt by handing out free flegs.

“I quite like the design but the quality of the product is not very good.” he stated “Alas I arrived late so all of the right handed flags had already been given out. Trying to wave a left handed flag when one is right handed can be quite difficult.” he added. Ever keen to right a fashion wrong he also pointed out that “the Eventsec staff clash with the rest of the crowd“. Sorry, he meant “the dayglow coats modelled by the Eventsec staff clash with the crowd“. Having said that I think the first statement is probably right.

Imagine

Imagine there’s no messageboard
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today…

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to wave our flegs for
And no anthems too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And Eddie will be long gone!

No Brains

Revealing the WRU latest Welsh rugby shirt, a spokesperson for the WRU stated,

“With Gatland gunning for a victory over the English, we decided we needed every advantage possible, and decided that the players should take the field in as familiar shirt as possible. Obviously we could not change from our traditional red, but it was a bit of a “no BRAINer” to realise that this new Ospreys Welsh shirt should have as close a design as possible to what the players are used to. The rest was easy.”

 It doesn’t take BRAINS to design a top selling recognisable shirt

SCOOP v The FRU

Is SCOOP better than the FRU? While the FRU may be more proflic, there are times when it’s just not funny! I like to think that the SCOOP is more “Pythonesque” to the FRU’s “mainstream”. What do you think?